For More Satisfying Senior Sex, Get Your Mama Out of Your Head

I don’t know about you, but I find it appalling that I can still hear my mom’s voice tell me what I should do, or shouldn’t do, especially when it comes to sex.

I grew up in a large family, and mom had a rule for us five girls that she pounded into our heads:

Do not let any boy touch you anywhere in here.

Then, she drew a large circle that included everything but our hands, feet, and head. It was no man’s land.

We heard the rule before leaving the house for a social occasion with the girls, and really heard it when we had a date.

For those private times when we were home and by ourselves, her corollary to the rule was:

No touching yourself either.

Except for hygiene purposes only. Then, you could wash with a wash cloth, but no bare hands.

I won’t embarrass my family by sharing how many of us went by the rules.

I don’t know what your mom’s rules were, but what I’ve found as I’ve worked with many of my clients,lots of us are still following our mom’s rules when it comes to sex. And many other daily habits too.

So, think about the rules you still abide by that your mom told you were must do’s.

Some were very appropriate:

Don’t drink and drive

Don’t go swimming after a big lunch

Wash your hands after using the bathroom.

However, some of them seemed to reflect our mother’s fears more than make sense. Yet if your family was like mine, mom’s rules were the law. You will behave yourself.

When I asked one 68 year old, who really wanted to be more loving with his wife, to try some new techniques and figure out how they could be loving now that their bodies had started to change, he replied he couldn’t do “those things.”

When I asked him what was holding him back, he finally admitted that even some of the “tamer” suggestions would have shocked his mother. They were all things that his mother had told him he was never to do.

I had to ask, “How old was your mama when she told you what to do? And not do?”

After thinking for a moment, he admitted she was in her early thirties, a kid herself, trying to do the best for her child.

My only question for him, and maybe a good question for you too, was

“Are you still letting your mother decide what your love life is all about, what is okay and what’s not? Aren’t you older now than when she was setting down the rules? Isn’t it time now, as an older adult, that you get to decide what is right for you, especially with something as important as your love life?

“Or, are you still going to let that kid, well meaning and loving as she was, tell you how to live your life now? Especially your intimate life with your sweet love?”

You might want to think about these same questions for yourself and your love. Especially if you want to make some changes, learn some new skills and techniques.

Sometimes we all need reminding that thinking about and worrying about what our mama would say just makes things worse. We need to take action. Sex Therapist Dr Pat Wiklund has helped countless couples increase the satisfaction they experience with their intimate life by purposely acting more loving towards one another. Now, retired, she is focusing on increasing the satisfaction of senior sex for boomers.